i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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