you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
