seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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