he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
