You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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