We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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