She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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