Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
two words: eviction party
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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