I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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