I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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