In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
