I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
