Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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