Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
