I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
