I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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