can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize