The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His hands were made for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
