I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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