Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
