i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
