Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
