I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
