So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
