i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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