I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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