the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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