Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
being pregnant is like rehab
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize