Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
