I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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