STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
