I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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