my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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