I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
