I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
