she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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