He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
