dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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