He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
