Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize