sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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