We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
