i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
