that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize