I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
