Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my phone needs a breathalizer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This baby is an asshole
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
