I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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