Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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