she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
false alarm, still single
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