If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
