You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
