i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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