If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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