He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
