I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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