we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
