i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
