I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
