My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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