It's like God shit irony all over that family
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
