She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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