True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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