Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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