I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Vodka?
Forever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
