end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
