even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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