a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
