dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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