I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
