Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?

(1-210): View more from Texas

I'll teach you how to wipe better

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(240): View more from Maryland

and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance

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(760): View more from California

You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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(904): View more from Florida

Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.

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(587): View more from Alberta

I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?

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(740): View more from Ohio

I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...

(1-740): View more from Ohio

And...?

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(573): View more from Missouri

Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night

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