just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
