Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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